Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize