This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
