I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
