i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
