You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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