My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I need moral support for this bender
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
