Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
