all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
