tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
