Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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