"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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