I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
