smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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