Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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