I'm jealous of your bromance
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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