when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
