I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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