I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He kissed a someone with a penis
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
