You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
