Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
