I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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