I hope mine doesn't look like that
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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