fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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