The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
