my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
babies were throwing up all over the place
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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