Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize