just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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