Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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