i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
