he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
