:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
