you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
