That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
