I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
