the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
