People in love make me want to vomit
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
