I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
