just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
