dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
