omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
