I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
