some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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