Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
