i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
