I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize