i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it's like iHOP with fire
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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