ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We're too hungover to prance.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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