If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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