I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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