Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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