Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
