Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
