Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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