Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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