Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize