my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Girls should come with a carfax report
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
