I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
