I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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