If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
