Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Panties = found
Randomize
