Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
