My liver just broke up with me...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
