You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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