lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
