I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
