i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
