you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
