so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
