i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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