a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
