finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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