i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My ass is underappreciated
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
