kristin has been a bad kristin
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i dont even know how to be here
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
