yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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