is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
