i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
