Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
