i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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