All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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