I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i think i have two assholes
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize