I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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