you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
