so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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