I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
