i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
