My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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