Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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