I'm so fucking centered right now
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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