My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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