Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize