Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
