Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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