You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
