I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
