Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
A+ Viking dick
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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